DEBT.
At my very young age I have managed to dig myself into the worst depths of debt hell. To the point where I am seriously considering calling a debt consolidation company. (I legit looked one up on the Better Business Bureau's website-I'm that serious.) I don't know why (for many of us I've noticed) we feel such shame admitting it. I have a lot of debt. Most of it stems from my "education." I never finished college and now may never actually be able to because I will be spending the rest of my days working off for the year and a half that I did go. Sad.
I can honestly say that I know exactly why "DEBT" is the scariest word to me- it's a matter of pride. I don't come from money, I never had it. I thought I became quite cautious with money after I was officially on my own, but now I would like to know where the hell all of it went. (A: On shit I could definitely live without.) It feels impossible for me to suck up my pride and admit that I need help. I'm still trying to figure out how much of all of this I can get sorted before June. Yes, June is the deadline I've given myself.
Why?
Because I have to.
Along with all of the joys of being a grown-up, I have also opted to co-habitate with my significant other. We've been together long enough, we think we know we're ready. But now that the date is approaching I find myself on the receiving end of questions such as, "Just how much debt ARE you in?"
I find no desire to talk about such things with him, because he only knows the side of me that is careful with money and all around takes little whim with spending habits. (He also comes from a place where he has never had to want- I don't hold it against him.) But the thought of giving him a number? I would rather be mute and stuck in a room with Ann Coulter.
Time will tell if I ever do so, and let's be honest, if we ever decide to get married, these things will have to be taken care of. My resources sufficiently tapped, I am rapidly running out of options. I'll let you know how it goes.
On to more fun, light hearted business:
Last night I watched "Up" for the first time. And yes, I wept.
It was so impossibly beautiful, both from a visual and plot standpoint. The thought of losing the person you have spent your whole life loving and then stopping at nothing to make their lifelong dream come true, just about killed me. All I could think of was how much I loved the person sitting next to me, and how I never want one moment without him. (The old man is also shockingly like my boyfriend.)
Pixar just knows how to get life right. They tap into all sorts of emotions we as have human beings feel so much. I used to dream about working there, then I realized you need some sort of artistic ability. LAME. But regardless, they play by their own rules and appeal to all ages like no other company has the power to do.
The picture of freedom:
This morning I also was browsing on Netflix Instant, and I came across "Jesus Camp."
Now I had heard A LOT about this documentary about Evangelical Christians, and I have to say I was extremely impressed with the way that the crew handled it. They were not hinting to which side of the fence they were on, it was very much, "So here's this thing..."
The problem I had was watching these kids as the JESUS ARMY. Because really, who's is going to chew out a kid for telling you to find Jesus in a bowling alley? I mean these people were talking up and down about how they want these kids to help others find salvation, right on. I will listen to that. But don't sit there and talk about how other religions teach their kids to be suicide bombers. Because you know what? They could essentially be killing these kids. What if one of them is gay? Guess what? They will live a life of shame because Colonel says you are sick and going to hell.
Le sigh.
Current Music: "I Don't Feel Like Dancin'" Scissor Sisters
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